Song Cry...

A wise man once said that luck is a mystical energy that dances around the universe randomly bestowing people with satisfaction and joy. We create our own luck. Only two things can get you through this... Patience & Persistance

What happens when all the methods of communication at your disposal just are not enough. What happens when you say"Here is you opportunity to come clean" or betta yet "Here is your chance to get whatever you gotta get off your chest off"... There's a part in Jay's "Song Cry" where he says... "Cry me a river, Build a bridge, and Get Over It." At what point do you let that shyt go and move on with your lives. We ask for honesty and sometimes we need to be careful what we ask for. SOME OF Y'ALL CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

Here are the lyrics for you to chew on... After a conversation with my twin this mornin I had to put my HOVA on and share my two favorite verses from Song Cry with y'all.

==========================

[Chorus]
I can't see 'em comin down my eyes
So I gotta make the song cry
I can't see 'em comin down my eyes
So I gotta make the song cry

Good dudes -
I know you love me like cooked food
Even though a nigga got move like a crook move
We was together on the block since free lunch
We shoulda been together havin 4 Seasons brunch
We used to use umbrellas to face the bad weather
So now we travel first class to change the forecas
tNever in bunches, just me and you
I loved your point of view cause you held no punches
Still I left you for months on end
It's been months since I checked back in
Well somewhere in a small town, somewhere lockin a mall down
Woodgrain, four and change, Armor All'd down
I can understand why you want a divorce now
Though I can't let you know it, pride won't let me show it
Pretend to be heroic, that's just one to grow with
But deep inside a nigga so sick

[Chorus]

A face of stone, was shocked on the other end of the phone
Word back home is that you had a special friend
So what was oh so special then?
You have given away without gettin at me
That's your fault, how many times you forgiven me?
How was I to know that you was plain sick of me?
I know the way a nigga livin was whack
But you don't get a nigga back like that!
Shit I'm a man with pride, you don't do shit like that
You don't just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that
You don't throw away what we had, just like that
I was just fuckin them girls, I was gon' get right back
They say you can't turn a bad girl good
But once a good girl's goin bad, she's gone forever..
I'll mourn forever
Shit I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever

Crossed My Mind

You just running cross my mind
You had that masculine thing DOWN
Shoulders, back straight never sloping never round
It would turn me on just to see you walk into a room,
across the room,
out of the room.
You really impressed me.
I know I'm gonna say some things,
I know you gonna say some things
That we both don't mean to say
Like...how amazing...how amazing...
When you would spread my limbs cross continents
Kiss this and this and this and this and this and this and this...

My thoughts have turned to you more often than I will admit this weekend... Wishing you were here or I there... Enjoying the rain... Enjoying each other... Just being... TOGETHER

Don't you want that too... As much as I?

Toxic Energy

I know we have all heard the phrase TOXIC PEOPLE.

Lately I've been using a different term to define a similar situation. I call it TOXIC ENERGY. You'll see why in a bit... I am so tired of allowing myself to be drained by the nonsense of others. People will use and use you until they can't do it anymore... We all have people/places that we expect drama to come from. Like that beggin ass cousin... or you job.. don't even get me started about my job... LOL! The point where it truly becomes toxic to me is when it comes from the most unexpected sources. I can deal with the Muhfuggas that consistantly bring nothing but drama my way... I got that down to a science! It's a whole different thang that goes on inside me when it comes from those that are closer to me.

You remember the movie with Denzel called Fallen? Well there was this evil spirit that travels from person to person and makes them do some hateful shyt. Well this is how I view TOXIC ENERGY. It travels all up and through these people and manifests itself in the most catty ways... After closer observation I've noticed that it is most prevalant among the Haters.... I'd don't know for sure but I think they slip it in that "ade" they be sippin...

(Re)Vamped...

There's something about getting my matters in order that lends to a good nights sleep. Like paying a bill on time... Having that much needed conversation with someone... you know things on my "to do" list.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'll lay down for a bit and my back starts to ache so I sit up, check mail, sometimes call my "twin". Well tonite I decided to blog... Most of my thoughts run freely when the world around me quiets down.

I decided today that I want to "do" something with my apartment. It is driving me nuts. I think it's more because I've been trapped in my apartment since I injured my back a few weeks ago. It wouldn't be so bad if I could actually do some things to spruce up the place. I haven't been able bend and stretch or reach very far so my apartment is lookin' pretty dusty... I've been trying to get Hassan to come down here and hook me up but he wasn't feeling wearing the french maid outfit... LOL (Maybe it had something to do with that camera system that I had installed just for him... he he he).

I want to start with my bedroom. I'm thinking total revamping. I started looking online at futons. there were some really nice ones out there. I'm looking for a specific type of futon though. I want one that is sturdy and stylish. I alson want one that I don't have to put together. I love IKEA furniture but I am not in the mood to put together anything. Note to self: Maybe you could enlist the help of Hass for this task. He doesn't have to wear the french maid uniform... If I agree to keep his glass full with some cold beverage that should be payment enough... hmmm. I'll give it a shot and see if he bites! I'll keep ya posted on my redecorating adventure/progress.

Rest For The Weary...

I want a futon. Went searching the net for one and saw all types of crappy ones. I decided to back track and find out what I should be looking for when I actually start looking for one. After the bed that I currently have started falling apart I realized that you get what you pay for. I bought this bed really cheap and it shows... LOL I'm not looking for a bed to pass on to my children or anything... I'm just looking for one that won't breakdown when I'm going through the act of procreation (which hasn't been happening often enough in my book... LOL).

That being said...

I have to look into how the frame is made. The futon frame is the foundation of the futon. A poorly constructed frame will be difficult to convert from couch to bed and will be more likely to have breakage issues with it. Like I said before... I'm a big gurl and my man is a big guy too... We can't be sitting/lying on the bed afraid to move for fear that the bed is gonna fall apart. Primary assets are strength, ease of use, and durability. Just like a man... but I digress... LOL There are many different arm styles and finishes to choose from.

The next feature to look into is the padding. The futon mattress is the cushion that is used for both sitting and sleeping. A good futon will be comfortable for both and will give years of sitting and sleeping pleasure. I am amazed at how many varieties there are of futon mattresses. Some even have coils inside them. I didn't think that you could put springs in a futon mattress due to having to fold and unfold the unit. Manufacturers use hi-tech pressurized foam futon mattresses.

Lastly, the cover. It's all about the accessories baby! The cover is the most noticeable part of the futon. It coordinates with the surrounding environments as well as protecting the futon mattress from dirt, spills, etc. Because it is removable, different covers can be used for different seasons, moods, etc. Don't forget coordinating or contrasting pillows to provide the finished look!

I'm sure you are saying that I have waaaaaaay too much time on my hands... LOL. You are probably right.

Reckless Love

How is it the people that you love the most are the ones that treat your heart with the least care. Family, Friends, Significant others... Relationships as a whole are so damn complicated... Ugggh!

Maybe it's the fact that I've been couped up with a back injury for the last week or the meds that they have me on that has me buggin... But it seems that some of the people that I feel should be showing their care and concern for my situation are the least interested in my progress or lack thereof.

How do people feign care and interest when it suits them only... Can you really turn it on and off like that without any consequences? I refuse to believe that karma doesn't come back and level the playing field. I have had much time over the last week to "clean my closet". A few relationships were terminated or ammended in order for me to keep my sanity.

Am I giving my heart to recklessly... Truly caring for and looking for some sort of validation from places that it will never come from? As I have found myself saying lately...

TIME WILL TELL THE TALE

I am so tired of being the strong one... Where to the strong go when they truly need to lean on someone. Between home, work, my spirit, and lack of a decent social life I am almost out of a candle to burn.

Yeah... I'm having a bit of a pity party... Hell this is my establishment... I can do that!

Just feel that I'm being taken for granted by so many people and it's starting to hurt like a mug.

What You Gone Do?

Saturday's are usually my day for running errands and catching up on housework.
Here's my plan for today...

1. Rita’s Water Ice, 235 South Street, (215) 629-3910
2. Goin' To See Sin City
3. Going To Do Laundry (gotta do at least one domestic task in)
4. Go on the Ave and do a bit of window shopping
5. I really want to goto this Dali (see below) exhibit before it leaves.
   

Salvador Dalí ExhibitionFebruary 16 – May 15, 2005

The Philadelphia Museum of Art Benjamin Franklin Parkway and 26th StreetOpen Tuesday - Sunday **The art Museum is CLOSED every Monday except for March 28, 2005. (215) 763-8100

Tickets are on sale now.

Salvador Dalí has arrived in PhiladelphiaPhiladelphia hotels, shops, restaurants and businesses celebrate and offer visitors a Surreal Philadelphia: The Dalí Experience.

The Salvador Dalí Exhibition and the Dalí Experience are sponsored by Advanta.

Surreal SavingsAdvanta Dalí Deals Card and Hotel Packages are being offered at various locations throughout the city of Philadelphia.

Are We Dreaming?

I've been gone for a minute but trust me it wasn't because there was nothing going on. Over the course of the last week I have found myself playing the role of counselor and confidant to both my male and female friends. Everyone is going through relationship woes lately. These are a few (and I do mean few) of the phrases that have filtered through my cell phone as of late...

1. Men are all the same.
2. I just need to stop looking for Prince Charming,
3. I've got to be dreaming to think that he would change.
4. Yo! Why don't she call me?
5. Ok... I cheated... But why
6. He just can’t commit to one person!
7. I Loooove Women! I can’t help it! Women want me!
8. I have an active sex life with my girlfriend. I look around because of the thrill of the chase!
9. I hear this one more often than I care to relive... I am sure that you have heard this as well. It is frightening. "Maybe my boyfriend has been unfaithful and I just don’t know about it, or I didn’t see the signs or didn’t want to see the signs".

But why is it that so many people jump the fence? Is it because of an unsatisfying sex life? Or is it for that quest of lost infatuation? Is it a perversion?

Yes, there are those who are just afraid of commitment. The only way that they reassure themselves that they still have that freedom or virility is by sleeping with someone else. Period. This has nothing to do with the level of quality of the relationship that they are currently involved in. Some need a higher dose of freedom then others.

Anyhow, who wants to be with someone who always is looking to prove to themself that they sre free or is indeed "The (Wo)Man"?

Also, there is the element of opportunities. Statistics (call me a ghetto sociologist) have proven that the more beautiful (whatever that means to you) the person is... the incidence of being unfaithful is increased.

Does it mean that we should only date ugly people to reassure our insecurities? HAYELL NAW!

I don't think so. Be aware that if you find someone beautiful (again, whatever this means to you), there are at least 15 other people out there who find your mate attractive, whether he or she has a die hard body or be fluffy just the way you like it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Selfishness is also another indicator of your level of devotion. Selfishness does not care about the feeling of others and that feeling exits in the present only. It is an immature behavior that we are supposed to have evolved from at the teenage age.

Think about it a little bit: when someone is unfaithful, in the moment, that person doesn’t think at all of the consequences or how the partner might feel! They are more likely thinkin' about what they are gettin' out of that moment.

I would say that, in the end, it is the commitment and the level of respect for yourself and your partner that determines if there will be less chance of infidelity within your relationship. With openness and caring of the feelings of your partner, you will better be able not to be tempted by that chick at work, or that overly nice and somewhat handsome colleague at work.

BOTTOM LINE >>>>> Look for that person with a noble heart, a high level of maturity, who demonstrates admiration, RESPECT and generosity towards you.

Bricks & Mortar

Let Me Hold You
Not just for one night
Let Me Hold you
For the rest of my life
I'm not talking about
No One Night Stand
Oh NO!
Not even the thought of holding your hand
Just let me give to you
All That I Want To
Just to let me let me love you
Let me pray you through
I know that you think that is not fair
We'll take it to God
Oh yes we will
And then we'll leave it there
I want to help you through all of your pain
Just let me love you
'Til there is no more end
Let me love
Let Me Love You
The way YOU want to babe
I want to love you
Let me...

Sometimes God removes the bricks we stack up while trying to build what we believe our lives should be/will be. He takes these things away from us to make room for something that is so much greater. I love him so much and thank him everyday that I open my eyes. Yes, I bitch and moan about work and relationships, but I know that I am a blessed woman. I may not have all the worldly trappings that I believe I should have or desire. But still I am blessed! I have friendships that I treasure, family that I am opening up to a bit more, and a man that loves him some me. What more can I ask for... Well there are a couple of things but I'll take them to God and see if he'll work them out!